From the recording The Crawlspace Tapes
DON'T TAKE YOUR GUT TO TOWN
Greg Trafidlo © 2002
Parody of “Don’t Take Your Gun to Town" by Johnny Cash
Ann-Rachel Music/Bughouse Music, ACSAP
Billy Ray on New Years day was looking in the mirror
His poor physique was getting weak.
It couldn't been much clearer
From all the bars and fat cigars, 'twas hard to get around
Then a little voice said, "it's your choice,
But don't take your gut to town son, leave your gut at home Bill
Don't take your gut to town."
Bill got scared as he stared.
The scale stared back at him.
This scenario was quite a blow, so he headed for the gym
He had enough of puffin' up. He'd put on sixty pounds
But in his head, that small voice said, "Don't take your gut to town."
He was a sight in Spandex tights, like they had never seen
Looking like a reject from Prevention Magazine
The steam room heat, athletes feet. Caused his heart to pound
And in his brain, it screamed again "Don't take your gut to town."
Out of breath, close to death on the stationary bike,
From Nautilus, aerobics, Stair Master and the like.
With lungs on fire and no desire to hear that disco sound
His foolish pride said go outside,…"Don't take your gut to town."
Tired and numb, he succumbed to pain and appetite
When a little man in a pizza van pulled into Billy's sight
To see that cook was all it took to get our boy unwound
Then the slogan slips from Billy's lips,"Don't take your gut to town."
In a cloud of dust, Deep Dish crust and mozzarella cheese
Billy rushed the pizza truck like the beach at Normandy
Almost lost in tomato sauce, our hero nearly drowned
He showed no shame, when the warning came,"Don't take your gut to town."
Mushrooms, spinach, peppers, cheese, flew all around the truck.
Billy's face looked like a Caesar salad run amok.
Then a team from S.W.A.T., and thirteen cops, tied old Billy down
And he heard the words like cartoon birds,"Don't take your gut to town son,
Leave your gut at home Bill, Stay away from Gold's… Gym, You'll be deader than a door…Matt.
Don't take your gut to town"